Country-Style Bacon

[By the way, today I'm doing my best to Write Like a Skate Magazine, that is, quite informally and often with a loosely constructed, sloppy style that may or may not appeal to readers over the age of twelve.] Alright, alright I'm going to admit it. I thought I was going to have a hard time blogging today, partly because I slept all through the sunlight, and the Internet just didn't seem as enthralling as usual. But then I trucked over to Skateboardermag and found an entire skate team I had never even heard of until today! Here's the vid, as lengthy as it is strengthy. It's so gnarly that it's even eating my blogroll, but that's not gonna stop my from EMBEDDING IT DEEP IN THIS THING ANYWAY.

Notice how often these guys skate in cement parks, revert, and powerslide. Even though the tricks aren't hyper-gnarly in terms of length-of-handrails (there might not even be any handrails in the vid, I don't remember), the tricks are creative and kind of tossed of in a manner that says "We just went to the park this weekend and brought a camera." Which is the best way to film a video.

Pretty much everything about Bacon Skateboards appears designed to appeal, but can't be, since most of it is happenstance. Here's a list of awesome things about Bacon:

-Regional Gem status (the Macalester of skateboarding? No, the Reed of skateboarding i.e. based in Portland);
-Team members named, ridiculously, like NFL quarterbacks: Benji Galloway, Lincoln Nass, Johnny Turgeson, Oudalay Philavanh, Mason Huggins (okay maybe not all of them), and Donovan Rice;
-Web site basically just a Blogspot page, making Bacon basically a bunch of bloggers;
-Web site logo features unholy combination of pig and porn star, laying on side with come-hither stare, HUGE rack of eight fake silicone breasts;
-Graphics that look like this.

-Myspace slogan: "Bacon Tits."

Finally, I have to leave some space on this blog to address the music selection. The Myspace page has a metal song titled "Annihilation of the Nile." The songs selected for the Cuntry as Fuck video shown above include, as you have noticed, "Standing Ovation" by Young Jeezy and "Polar Opposites" by Modest Mouse. The third song is about "Beer and bacon for my friends," and rules just as hard but I can't seem to find it by Googling the lyrics.

This post, like many skateboard mag articles, walks the crumbling mountain summit of skaterag journalism, teetering on the brink of death with actual coverage of a topic sloping down off to the left and straight-up commercial promotion on the right. Rest assured, though, that this is not a dusted-off press release (funniest joke on the blog? maybe, def funniest on the block :P). It is one hundred percent my original thoughts on the issue of Bacon Skateboards. They rule.