Ideelz up. Ho's down. (No embed.)
A comparison occurs to me as I listen to "Makes Me Wonder," the doughy flapjack Maroon 5 have served all the way up to the top of the stack of foodstuffs that is the Billboard Hot 100.
Maroon 5 : Disappointment :: Babylon 5 : Dilgar.
That is, Maroon 5 the band is as full of an aggressive species of disappointment determined to spread throughout the universe as Babylon 5 the TV show is full of Dilgar, the aggressive species of alien determined to spread through the universe.
The song starts off with 1 (one) quirky bass line filtered through what sounds like a Boss SBY-3 Bass Synthesizer pedal. Just when I'm starting to rock back and forth in the comfortable chair next to the pillar in the Tacoma Public Library (the only place where I can plug in my laptop), Adam Levine comes in with a scratchy whine. He repeats the same word (anymore) several times, and whatever boner I was developing over this song booked a direct flight to Droopsville.
What I mean to say, of course, is that Maroon 5 pack no surprises. If it were my fifth birthday and I invited Maroon 5 to my party, they'd give me a Maroon 5 CD. And from then on I would not invite them over to my house for apples and peanut butter.
On the bright side, I left the headphones in while trying to figure out something to say about "Makes Me Wonder" (not much obvi). The following playlist, generated by Yahoo! Launch's randomizer algorithms, ensued:
"Never Again" - Kelly Clarkson (even after Breakaway, the girl has still got a mad set of pipes). I wish I were attracted to Kelly Clarkson. She's kind of like the girl in high school who asks you to the dance and keep thinking while you're slowdancing about the girl who you always mention among your friends by both first and last name ("Jane Galloway is so hot!") In other words, Kelly Clarkson should be known just as Kelly. But "I hope when you're in bed with her / You think of me!" is a great set of lines.
"Grace Kelly: Who's Next" - Mika. [I can't find this on YouTube but I'm sure it exists elsewhere, sorry I'm not in the business of tracking things down.] Mika does a deec Freddy Mercury impression, which of course is what we've needed since The Darkness disappeared (where are you Darkness? I miss y'all.) If the video'd had purple aliens and Mika had toweled himself off with them we might've had a new "I Believe in a Thing Called Love." But he didn't, so we don't. One thumb up.
"I Don't Need a Man" - Pussycat Dolls. This is not "Loosen Up My Buttons" but it doesn't need to be. I was mostly writing the last paragraph while this song was playing so I don't have any objections.
"Since U Been Gone" - Kelly. Straight fire since day one, always has been. I will never be disappointed that this song is playing, least of all when I happen to already be dancing.
If I can thank Maroon 5 for anything at all, it is that I only had to wait a couple minutes through "Makes Me Wonder" to get at some toons worth grooving to. But back to the rotation.
HAHAHAHA LIVE VERSION OF "GIRLFRIEND" BY AVRIL LAVIGNE. She has two backup singers to help her shout "hey hey you you."
"Hey Avril."
"Yeah?"
"'Girlfriend' isn't Number One anymore."
"Oh no! What happened?"
"Maroon 5."
"Maroon 5?"
"Maroon 5."
"Shit."
"Avril? Avril? Stop crying. Maybe people just got confused. If you read 'Adam Levine' carelessly, it kind of looks like 'Avril Lavigne.' And he is pretty. People just got confused."
"I am going to kill that motherfucker Adam Levine."
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