Mariah Carey - "Touch My Body"

Mariah outdid Usher and Jeezy at some point in some categories to make her way to the No. 1 spot on the Billboard Hot.

First:

This song is about making a sex tape. Making a sex tape is an exciting prospect for many, but not for Mariah. Her chief concern is that the video not wind up on YouTube.

Second:

It's very Internet of whoever made this video to have the tech-support guy playing on a Guitar Hero thing. In fact, the entire video looks like it should be a Funny or Die affair, with equal "Funny" and "Die" votes.

Third:

"Let me rub my face / around your waist [waste? haha, probably not but still]."

Fourth:

I remember my Rolling Stone subscription including a cover photo of Mariah using a camera with the flash. She was holding the camera between her legs. This reminds me o f the Internet phenomenon of self-shot pornography/erotic photos, where women pose in front of a mirror, sometimes for the express purpose of putting those images on a Web site. The Web site was made so that women could post such photos on it. Some sort of ethical pornography.

The obvious conclusion is that Mariah Carey is the most Internet pornography-savvy of any female R&B performer.

Fifth:

I never much cared for Mariah Carey.